there were so many things this week that could have been done more efficiently. alas, i am surrounded by shamelessly pretentious people who are clearly just useless ones too. THIS SCHOOL IS A FUCKING JOKE. where do we go now.
‘don’t let anyone look down on you.’ – aiso, 2014
surgery today. there were almost tears. almost.
doc started us off with a lil pep talk about being different, not in line, being x-men. and it would have been a tearjerker if all of us in that room hadn’t already accepted to ourselves that we were in fact, irregulars.
for the longest time, i dealt with my failures so poorly. i sulked and wallowed in my tears for so long and i dramatically thought i felt the world on my shoulders like cancer and HIV didn’t kill millions. i blamed everything and everyone to mask how worthless i felt. i broke down.
the truth is, it hurt.. like hell. nothing was more excruciating that learning that all your efforts and prayers, sleepless nights and words of fucking inspiration and strength altogether weren’t enough to get you through. you’ve been in school all your life and you’d think you should have already figured out how to pirouette your way all around it, but.. well, some of us just aren’t born that graceful.
well here’s another truth. the world is a giant fucked up place. wonderful and horrible things happen at the same time to both bad and good people; sometimes too fucking unreasonably even. so unless someone is able to explain to you in a foolproof algorithm the pathophysiology of failure with at least five peer-evaluated journal references no earlier than 2007, then no, you are not smaller than anyone who did something faster than you.
if someone asked why you’re still not done, tell them, ‘natapilok lang po’ (aiso, 2014). then flip them off (de los santos, 2014).
that was below the belt. you can’t say or even ‘just’ imply anything that belittles a student or an entire class, in this case, just because of flaws in schoolwork. that is just wrong and unprofessional. even as a joke, an inappropriate comment is a misjudgment of character and person. you are improper, unprofessional and this is my issue. i have a problem with that horrendous behavior and i’ve had it since i started school in this god forsaken, hostile place.
i don’t goddamn care how over the top your level of intelligence is or how unbelievably supernatural you can make your abilities look like. you are a fool for not knowing how to act with courtesy and class; fucking shame on you.
i feel strongly about this because i know for a fact and from three years of bearing many ill- natured persons from this institution that, in no way, ever, was there professional competence that matched the quality education that our thousands of pesos worth in tuition should have been receiving. today, for instance, my first period professor, skipped more than half the presentation she should have gone through and told us, “basahin niyo na lang”. holy asswipes, good thing my first grade public school teacher that never received anything from me, by the way, taught me with burning fervor, to fucking READ. that way, i can teach myself medicine and earn my own money; the money i wasted on crap education c/o my wonderful excuse of a med school. again, fucking shame on you.
p.s. no, you didn’t teach us how to make dummy tables. i was never absent and i paid enough attention. so don’t pretend to have even ‘satisfactorily’ done your job and don’t expect me to assemble a car when you never gave me so much as a tiny screw to work with.
p.p.s. and for the last time today, fucking shame on you.
the storm is almost over, gents. we only have one more exam to worry about and we’re off to maybe one and a half day of either mad drinking or mad sleeping.
as it is turning out though, i’m realizing that i might not have been that prepared for the exams as i imagined. i double checked answers that just.. weren’t. but then, who will ever be that prepared? at one point i’ve considered, “maybe i don’t test well” then i go on and rethink, “maybe i didn’t pay enough attention”.
but hellsballs, we’ve been through this. a lot. and the only reasonable, predictable and foolproof response is to move the fuck on. so adios amigos, i heard there was more rum on land.
p.s. wow our last exam is a piece of shit. look at all these words i’ve never heard of ever in a lecture, not once. here’s two fingers, choke on that.
i’m starting to hate living with my sister. she’s such a couch potato, seriously.
just when i’m getting the hang of getting a grip of my lifestyle, it slips when she’s here. i’m eating more than i should, i’m not working out, and i’m sleeping excessively. i get no work done. i understand that she comes home to rest and relax after being with patients all day but she is just amplifying too much lazy waves. she calls here and there expecting me to take care of her because she’s tired; i can’t. she wants to eat this and that and it’s getting more difficult to follow a diet like that. her TV is too loud and she sleeps wherever and whenever. that means i have to evacuate my truckload of necessary academic equipment to the next room every time. it’s driving me crazy.