‘don’t let anyone look down on you.’ – aiso, 2014

surgery today. there were almost tears. almost.

doc started us off with a lil pep talk about being different, not in line, being x-men. and it would have been a tearjerker if all of us in that room hadn’t already accepted to ourselves that we were in fact, irregulars. 

for the longest time, i dealt with my failures so poorly. i sulked and wallowed in my tears for so long and i dramatically thought i felt the world on my shoulders like cancer and HIV didn’t kill millions. i blamed everything and everyone to mask how worthless i felt. i broke down.

the truth is, it hurt.. like hell. nothing was more excruciating that learning that all your efforts and prayers, sleepless nights and words of fucking inspiration and strength altogether weren’t enough to get you through. you’ve been in school all your life and you’d think you should have already figured out how to pirouette your way all around it, but.. well, some of us just aren’t born that graceful.

well here’s another truth. the world is a giant fucked up place. wonderful and horrible things happen at the same time to both bad and good people; sometimes too fucking unreasonably even. so unless someone is able to explain to you in a foolproof algorithm the pathophysiology of failure with at least five peer-evaluated journal references no earlier than 2007, then no, you are not smaller than anyone who did something faster than you.

if someone asked why you’re still not done, tell them, ‘natapilok lang po’ (aiso, 2014). then flip them off (de los santos, 2014).  


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